Room Mate?

Last year, I lived with 3 other people in a townhouse on campus. They’re incredibly nice – living room, full kitchen, 4 bedroom and 3 bath. This year, I’m living with 2 of those people in a 3 bedroom apartment off campus, one bedroom. The house itself isn’t that nice, as we had to find it at the last second, but it’s not awful either.

It’s just my roommates that are starting to really annoy me. I’ve lived with one of them for the past two years basically, and although we get into fights and disagree on a lot of different things, living together has always been surprisingly easy. The other, I lived with last year and the whole summer in Austria, so things were going really well.

It’s just lately, they’ve seemed to buddy up a lot and attack me. The one I lived with in Austria, G we’ll call him, is very immature. He feels that he has to insult people in order to be funny, and he must be the center of attention at all times. And what really annoys me is that he’ll hold a grudge forever, just to be able to use it in jokes. The other day, I took 3 cups out of our bathroom that he put around our sink weeks ago. They don’t need to be there and he always keeps bringing more cups up from the kitchen for some reason. I took those cups and put them in front of his door, hoping that he’d see them and take them downstairs. I would’ve directly asked him to take them down, except he would’ve became a bitch of course. Well this seemed to do the same thing anyway, because for the past couple days, he’s always been like “well just put it outside my door” for every little thing we say.

I know this sounds incredibly stupid, and it really is. It’s just so annoying that he can’t be serious and be a grown up for a minute. He always has to be making a joke – it’s like I can’t talk to him about anything serious.

And what’s funny, is that next year I’m living with 4 other girls in a 5 bedroom apartment up the street from where I live now. I should just get used to drama now.

2 weeks

The opera I’m in opens in 2 weeks. I can’t believe that it’s that soon. I feel completely unprepared for what we need to accomplish in the next week. I’m not even completely memorized yet – what a day I’m going to have tomorrow doing all the work I need to do.

Things with Paris are still going great. We’ve really grown close together, and I’ve asked my parents if I can bring him home for Thanksgiving. It’s a big step, especially for me and my family, so we’ll see what happens if I do bring him home. If I don’t go home, I might be going to his family’s thanksgiving. It’s strange that these kind of events are happening in my life now. I really care about this guy, even though we’ve only been together for a month. And yes, it’s been very up and down, what with all the drama that had went on. But that’s completely behind us now, and I’m only looking forward. I want to know everything about this guy, and I can see him being someone who will stick around in my life for a while. Hopefully.

School is overwhelming, as usual, but I am making it through. This has been the hardest semester for me so far, as I have 3 papers for 3 different classes all due this week, plus a 3 minute Spanish speech on Monday, singing in Studio on Monday and Opera rehearsals at night this whole week. I just want Thanksgiving break and lots of it!

Up and Down

Things have been very up and down for a while now, and I’ve been forced to live everyday day to day. Which I suppose is a good outlook anyway, but I like having plans, I like knowing what to expect, and I like to know what should happen next.

Some rumors came to me that Paris had cheated on me a couple days after we started dating. I was crushed, because being cheated on is my number one fear. And it seemed like all the evidence was lined up. What really sucked about it was that I allowed it to happen – he asked me for permission to go to this guys house, and I told him yes but be careful.

The rumor was that they had made out but then felt that they shouldn’t do it and left. When I approached him about it, he told me that it wasn’t true, that the other guy tried to kiss him and Paris said no and left. He promised me.

I have no reason not to believe him. Of course there’s always that little bit of doubt in my stomach. What also really upset me about it was that my friend K knew about it for a week and didn’t tell me, but told 3 of my friends. So her and I haven’t been talking for a bit, because she put her a capella groups interest before mine (Paris, K and the other guy are all in the same a capella group together). Her and I have slowely been getting back to talking, but she told me that she never told me the whole story. Which puts another pit in my stomach – I just want all this drama to go away.

Things with Paris and I are simply great, and I hate how everyone’s trying to interfere with it. He promised me it didn’t happen, and I have no reason to not believe him. I am still mad at him for not telling me about what happened in the first place, but he knows that now. And he’s been trying to make up for it ever since. Who knows where this will go. I care about him so much, but if he’s been fucking lying to me for over a month, I need to get him out of my life. Which is the last thing I want to do.

Odd Mood

I haven’t really written here much.

I’m in a weird mood tonight. it really started around 3, when I came home to a sink full of dishes that I knew wouldn’t get done unless I did them. Then all of a sudden, I just got into this really weird mood where everything was just annoying me. I sort of came out of it when I went to my roommates recital and went out to dinner, but once I got back home, there was a party going on that my other roommate decided to not tell me about. And for some reason, it really just set me off. I don’t like confrontation, so I went to my room and I basically haven’t left since. I tried watching The Changeling for the 15th time, but I can’t get all the way through it. I don’t really understand why I get in this really weird mood, but I’m hoping that tomorrow it’ll be gone.

Paris and I are okay. We broke up last week for a day because of his personal issues that he eventually needs to move on from. And things are going fine. He has some growing up to do, and sometimes I feel like we’re on different pages. I’m not looking for a relationship that he might have in highschool, this is a real deal. I understand that I am still young in a sense, but he’s even younger. So relationships aren’t the same to each of us. Lately I’ve felt like I’ve been hogging him from his friends, so tonight I decided to not ask him to do anything unless he asked me. He went to the soccer game and told me he’d text me. Next text I get was “Zombieland was redic”. I didn’t even know he was going to see it. He hasn’t even told me what’s he up to tonight. Not that he needs to tell me every single aspect of his life, I just like to know. But I didn’t exactly tell him what I was doing tonight either. It’s stupid.

This is basically just a rant because I couldn’t just sit here anymore, but I don’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes I really feel like I should just go home for a semester.

Escuela es bueno.

School is going well, but I am ready for a break. My fall break starts next week on Friday and is only for about 4 days, but it will be well spent. I really only go home for breaks now to see my bff E, and my niece (who actually made my dad call me so she could talk to me last night, and she’s only 2). I might make an appearence at my high school briefly, maybe sing something for them. Who knows. I really just would like a break.

Things with Paris are going fine, I suppose. It’ll be one week tomorrow, and I feel like it’s been a tough week. He and I are both busy, but lately he’s been “mean Paris”. I have this thing where I say there are two sides to him, “nice Paris” and “mean Paris”. Nice Paris is when he’s nice to me and everyone, and Mean Paris is when he’s mean to me but still nice to everyone else. And for the past couple of days, he’s been Mean Paris quite consistently. I really don’t mind, because most of the time he’s just playing around being a bitch. But today, I think he really noticed, and sent me a txt about being sorry for being a douche. He and I have a lot of talking to do, as we really don’t know much about each other. Maybe the first week is always the hardest in relationships, I don’t even remember. Who know’s where this is going haha.

Whoa, what happened?

I”M AWFUL AT THIS.
But I’m going to make it a habit now to post at least once every 3 or 4 days. I’m even going to put it in my planner if I must.

While I was away from WordPress, something must’ve happened with my little site here. There are two days – one being September 6th, and the other being September 24th that I got 83 and 84 hits on. What the fuck happened? Usually I get maybe 4 or 5 a day, maybe 10 on the day I make a post. But 83 and 84? Jeeze. What spammer got to me?! haha.

Life is good. I rarely say that, but it’s true. As you can probably guess, I’ve got boy drama. But for a specific reason – I have a boyfriend now! We shall call him Paris.  He’s a freshmen, so I felt like a creeper at first, but I really enjoy spending time with him. People have told me that he’s kinda like me, which may be why I’m attracted to him, who knows. I just genuinely like being around him, and am going to try and keep around as long as I can.

I guess I hurt Pro in the time this all happened though. I wrote about how he and I hooked up the very first weekend here at school. He then decided to go on a date with another guy right after, so I just figured that I could do the same thing. I also heard from other people that he was denying what happened between us, and that he had tried to talk to me about it numerous times, which in reality he hasn’t at all. So I moved on, and am now dating Paris. I guess this turned into a shock for him because he hasn’t spoken to me at all for a week until tonight. I flat out told him that I was sorry for not initiating a conversation, because I could’ve done it as easily as him, but because of him not talking to him and what I had heard from other people, I figured that us hooking up wasn’t going to lead to anything. Hopefully our friendship will be okay, but who knows. Maybe it’s time for some change.

The opera is going really well, and we’re already having “off book” rehearsals this coming week. This is some of the hardest music I have ever done, and I feel quite accomplished knowing that I’m getting pretty good at it. I’m doing a singing competition in late October that I’m preparing for now, so hopefully I’ll be coming home with a 1st or 2nd place prize.

Like I said, Life is good.

Wow it’s been awhile

I didn’t realize how long it has been since I last updated. I promise to never let that happen again.

When I was in Myrtle Beach, I actually was writing a post but I now realize that I hadn’t posted it. So let’s see how much I can round up in one entry.

Myrtle Beach was fantastic, and it was a great way just to relax with my family and best friend E. I actually got some color (now I’m peeling like crazy… ew!), and had a lot of fun. It actually was a true test of my relationship with E in disguise. I mean, who can last a 14 hour car ride, then 5 days in the same room with them in Myrtle Beach, and then a 14 hour car ride back, and still miss them the next day? E and I. It’s pretty surreal. I’m so glad that I have someone like her in my life. Every gay guy says this – she’s the Grace to my Will. But the thing is, E and I have that friendship that nobody understands. It’s just what it is.

I got back to school last Friday and it’s been okay. My apartment is pretty nice, for what I’m paying that is. Last Saturday, I basically died because I drank and smoked too much, and the combination made me really sick. But the part I want to write about is is this – I ended up in my friend Pro’s bed. Now instead of me trying to find all my entries about him, i’ll just sum him up in this – he and I have a thing for each other but it’s never come together (aka I want his friendship, he’s been dating other guys). But now we’re both single, and ended up together that night (it also doesn’t help that he’s living in an apartment in the same house as me). I don’t remember what exactly we did, but we did stuff. The next couple days, I was surprised that I wasn’t bothered by it. I mean, of course I have feelings for Pro, but his friendship was always more important to me. But now? Maybe I’m more open to the idea of being with him.

Well I guess that wasn’t the case with him because I didn’t see him much at all through the week, and then yesterday he decided to tell me about this new guy he’s talking to. So I that’s basically out of the window, even though a relationship is NOT what I need right now.

Shine is still in the picture though… sort of. He and I have been talking a lot lately, but I haven’t been too nice to him. I keep sliding in remarks like “well if you didn’t go out every night then you’d have a chance to actually save some money” and stuff like that. Because it’s true – if he hadn’t been going out every night this summer and lost his focus, there’s a good chance that he and I would still be together. But it’s nice to be talking to him, but I think I’m going to limit it. I keep losing my focus when I talk to him and I can’t let that happen.

It always sounds like I have boy trouble going on in my life, haha, but in reality, it’s all I write about. A lot more happens that just isn’t as exciting, and I’ve accepted the fact that my blog theme is about me and my relationship with guys. It just seemed to work out that way.

Moving on

I’m at the salon right now with my best friend while she gets her hair cut and I wait for mine at 3. That may be the gayest thing I have ever said.

I’m slowing moving on from the breakup. I did not anticipate being as upset as I was, and in reality, I still am. Shine and I have only spoken minimally since sunday, and there was a night where I told him just to stop. Everytime he texted me, subconciously I kept thinking maybe he had changed his mind about this. But really, it never was that case. But the only thing harder than talking to him is not talking to him. Next friday on my way to school, I’m going to stop by his hometown to see him. It’s probably a wrong choice, but if I don’t, I don’t know when the next time is when I see him.

I’m usually really fine with breakups. People always wonder why I’m not upset, and it’s usually because I am, I’m just not showing it. But for some reason this case has been different, and more difficult than I thought.

I leave for Myrtle Beach tomorrow though – I’m excited for the chance to finally relax and not work. Get my mind of things.

It’s official

Shine and I just officially broke up. Through text message.

Things I have learned – keep my guard up for as long as I can, not allow myself to fall for someone too fast, and to not expect that things will work out.

Reading the Signs

I’m not a mind reader. When someone has a problem with me, but doesn’t tell me about it, then I usually just don’t know about it.

I’m really bad at reading signs.

Shine hasn’t really spoken to me since I’ve been home.  And if I wanted to “read the signs”, all signs are pointing to the fact that my relationship with him is over.  He hasn’t spoken to me in 3 weeks, and when we do it’s just small talk and dry conversation. Since I’ve been home, our texts have included “it’s warm out”, “i’m going to take a nap”, or “I’m hungry”. Yesterday, he did ask if he could call me later that night after he took a nap, and I said yes. But he never called me.

What am I supposed to do? I was typing up an email to send him because I don’t know how else to talk to him right now, but each draft I wrote was me basically yelling at him and that’s not what I want to do. I’m not angry with him. I’m just upset at how this whole situation has plummeted. I hate dealing with situations like this – I just wish he would talk to me. Just tell me that it’s over. Don’t just keep me sitting here, waiting for you to take the initiative and contact me.

I’m going insane. I feel so pathetic.